I made the decision of having children at a very young age. Mostly due to the fact that I didn't have a clue about life at the age of 17 and was trying to get out of a very abusive relationship with my father. We will touch on that within this two year blog.
I have made it my business to raise my sons with "examples" instead of just talk. They have never witnessed me dating many men.... I don't drink or smoke... They actually think i am Lame and boring which is hilarious to me but once i think about it, that is the way it should be.
I realized last year that i have been over compensating for the absence of their father by getting them whatever they want in life. BIG MISTAKE!!!!
Adonis ( my oldest who just turned 17) doesn't understand what hard work is and has this entitled attitude that i have created in him.
For me to be 35 and provide the type of life i have for my children is nothing but an act of God. The boys are always praised one for being so attractive and two for being so well kept. Polo, Rugby, Prada adored on their body just to run to the store is habitual for them. I have created a monster in my oldest and lately he has been feeling himself.
When i speak to him lately he has this look on his face as if he doesn't have to do anything at all. I stand at 4'11 and he is now 5'9 or 5'10 and i suppose i must look like a joke to him when i'm breaking on how he cant be home all day and not wash dishes.
So last night... after another day of him being in the house the whole day and not even moving away from the couch and the computer and video game i lost my mind!!!!!!!!
"Why is it that y'all feel that you can sit in madness and not clean up around you?"
"Sorry mom We lost track of time .... I will do it now" Kawhyii ( my sixteen year old said)
Adonis just sat there and acted as though he didn't hear me. Truthfully i never have a problem with kawhyii.... he doesn't want any issues with me and as boys do at times they forget things.... GROWN ASS MEN FORGET TO DO THINGS but i teach them it is how you handle a situation... not necessarily the severity of the situation at hand.
"Adonis get up and do what i said"
he laughed....
"Ok give me your phone"
"for what?"...... (did he say for what?)
"Adonis give me your phone right now... you are on punishment and if you can't think to just get up and clean the dishes and walk the dog then you can't think to press a button and pick up the phone and have a conversation.... what am i saying all this for i don't owe you an explanation... give me the PHONE"
"No"
DID THIS BOY TELL ME NO????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
My ex and one of my closest friends Seye was with me at that time and he grabbed my hand and walked me out of the room cause i was two seconds off of grabbing something and beating his ass.
instead i called AT&T and cancelled his account while Seye tried to talk to him....
This is an issue my oldest and i have been going through for the past 6 months. Before this time i would gloat how i never had an issue with any of my children and how they are so well behaved... which they are... but my son is smellin' his ass... and im going to kill him
In the past when this has happened i have called my positive role model male friends.... have them talk... work it out... maybe he is going through something he cant speak to his mother about... it happens..
But i will only go through this so many times before i handle it the way i normally handle someone disrespecting me.... With force.
So i go into his room and say this.... it could have been wrong but i dont care... he has to be held responsible for his actions
" Adonis... you are my child... you are a child... you haven't a clue although you think you do about how to take care of yourself and how much work goes into you feeding not only you... but the whole family. I will not have you disrespect me... the issue here is the first time you did it i should have beat your ass down but i didn't... i spoke to you and tried to reason and deal with it in a respectful way which you don't understand.
I feel now that everything has gone too far and at this moment i don't like you... i love you but i don't like you at all.. your actions are very disrespectful and i don't deserve it PERIOD. I will not deal with it either and although you heard that before from me i have to let you know... you dont know me... you really dont know me at all.. you know me to be sweet and nice mommy that cooks and is involved in your school ... knows the administration... will drop whatever to be there for you... im the only person that has your back 100%... do you understand that you cant bite the hand that feeds you? You cant disrespect those that have your back 100%!!!! i don't know what that feels like because with the exception of your grandmother God bless her soul i never had anyone have my back 100%
but here you are... grown... pumpin your chest at me as though you don't have to do the things i say...HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND???????????????
you really don't know me adonis... you really don't... and you forget that i'm not wrapped to tight at times and will flip out when i feel disrespected... I snap... but you wouldn't know that.. cause i have been so busy talking to you with respect and wasting my breath... but i feel like waiting until you are sleeping to take that cast iron skillet and beat your ass until you understand my point.... you feel what im saying...
YOU DONT KNOW ME... but you have ONE MORE TIME to ever disrespect me and i will introduce you to the crazy bitch inside of me full force and see how you deal with that... and you can call the police... Im not scared of them... you should be scared of me... Unless Jesus stops me from whippin yo ass then best get ready for the wrath .... this is life... if you disrespect a dude in the street HE WILL SHOOT YOU... and you should be embarrassed at even coming out of your face to your mother....
check yourself now...
before i check you later....
SIGH.....Why do i have to get ghetto with my child? I would rather beat him down and drive him crazy now then to have him deal with this and land himself in jail out of stupidity.
Was i right.....???????????????
I need advice... i grew up with sisters... i haven't a clue how to handle this situation.
I will tell you one thing... starting this week he and i will go volunteer at a group home or hospital where there are other children his age that live a totally different life.... i might also put him in scared straight this saturday.... just drop him off at the jail with all of his polo in a bag and make him think he is going to live there....lol... I dont know what to do!!!
Help please!
signed,
I SAID NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just turn the phone off... he is gonna rebel... hell we all do @ his age. Cut phones off dont take them away. There isnt a point in being physical anymore he is too big for that. Try to talk to him like a man. And give him dire consequences like ended cell services or taking the plugs to game systems and tv's. Corporal punishment is pointless. Or you can always put the nicca out. Saying no is pretty disrespectful I may have disagreed but I never disrespected my mother. Be calm, be firm and always command respect it’s not gonna be about force be tactful. Make his suffer for insubordination. My advice I hope you work it out.
ReplyDeleteI think you handled it very well. Cancel the phone, and maybe do a few other things that give him a taste of the cold cold world. haha At 17, he's at an age and a size that doing something physical to him won't give you the result that you're looking for. At this age, it's best to teach by showing him who's boss. Good luck girl. I can't imagine what I may go through years from now with Max.
ReplyDelete-Nik
Turning off the phone is a start. You just need to show him how blessed he truly is and how being a mother is not easy at all. He is smart young man. He will appreciate these lessons when he gets older.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing, beating him at age 17 is only going to work against you and derail the very thing you are attempting to instill. Respect for you and respect for himself. He also has to understand he is setting an example for his younger brother and his sister. I think you handled it well including the the firm talking to. 17 will soon be 27 and you two will be lauging at this incident. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteLMAO @ Mommy Dearest!!! drop him off at a homeless shelter with no clothes, money, or technology... he'll come running back...
ReplyDeleteMisterr Carterr
You did better than me at that age! Don't give him another time; next time he disrespects you just pop him dead in his mouth. Then drop at the deadbeat dad's house and tell him when you start appreciating the life I give you then give me a call. He needs to understand that you do not have to do what you do. In 7 or 8 years he'll say "I understand now!"
ReplyDeleteava his father is a serious deadbeat... this is why i say teens shouldnt have children... you never know what you are getting into!
ReplyDeletehe would be safer at the homeless shelter!
You need to punch Adonis in the chest as hard as you can and dare him to hit yo back. Prolly wont hurt. Maybe the pan in the night is best. Just dont hurt him but let him think your crazy or else he'll keep punkin you and testing the limits...
ReplyDeleteYou hate his attitude not him. You did the right thing taking his phone. When in the house the kids should be given an certain time to play video and the rest of the time should be reading and doing house chores, after that if they want to get on the phone fine. make sure he knows how to take care of responsibility because he is lucky to get all he does from you. Set aside time when all electronics are off and yes that means ur damn Iphone too! and just talk. It would be good if u know a positive male role model too because boys sometimes feel like they can do what they want and moms won't understand. Just being slick. Hang in there, Just keep the lines of communication open and you all will be ok.
ReplyDelete